Doing what I’ve volunteered to do as my life’s work is quite the incredible and magnificent journey! And yet… as magical as it is, as well beyond the day-to-day 3D, I still find I’ve had some very 3D fears, resistance, and experiences with which I’ve limited myself at some very crucial points.
One of my fortes is writing and communication; I find it easy and flowing… and I also know how to consciously incorporate the telepathic meaning/information well beyond the words I use. My calling to “write the books” about all of this – all of what I discuss, teach, experience in relation to helping others to remember the Universe in some ways very differently than we have previously – has been continuously pushing at me via Higher Consciousness for several years; I have far, far more to share than what I’ve even portrayed in many public forums!
However, I’ve procrastinated.
“Too much to do!” I would proclaim, again and again, every time it came through in meditation, or via message through others. Or, “It will be out of date as soon as it’s published!” Or innumerous other excuses! I would put time aside to write… and write something else (like a blog LOL), update my Website, make a few calls… well, you get the idea. I’ve written much of it in drawers full of journals, and… nothing yet has made it to the light of day beyond smatterings and discussion and verbal teaching.
I KNOW better; listening to guidance is what I teach as the CORE!
However, I’ve been putting off guidance, time and again… continuously on this for years. This is so funny, because I look back over it now, and laugh at myself (one the best tools for accepting ourselves).
What I continuously talk about and teach, all the time, is how when we ignore true guidance – that which comes from the Higher Self (vs. the ego) – it always starts with a little nudge – a little message, reminder, whatever you want to call it. The more we ignore those nudged, the little messages… the bigger they get. “Can you hear me now?” The Higher Self asks… and it doesn’t stop turning up the volume until the guidance/knowing is followed.
This is why we eventually manifest crises into our lives; we’ve ignored a nudge and the messages so much (typically because in some way, shape, or form the ego is uncomfortabe because of SOME resistance-based belief that it holds) that the Higher Self, the Universe, the Divine, however you want to term it, FINALLY has to kick you in the butt in a way that you CAN’T. DO. ANYTHING. ELSE.
Again, I know better.
I’ve gotten through gobs and gobs… and my experiences are truly miraculous and magical. I’ve started an amazing practice and modality around this – in accordance to HUGE guidance (see more about Trinity Energy Progression here); it never steers me wrong! All in all, I trust my guidance fully; it’s the waning ego’s moments of control that cause me to not DO something when I’m guided to do it.
And yet… here I am.
A pattern of limitation and blockades has turned up in my reality, regardless of all efforts to circumvent them. What started happening defies an explanation…. EXCEPT that I’ve finally gotten to a level of denial that I’ve been kicked in the butt! My ego… has been kicking and screaming and looking every which way but at the white elephant in the room, until now.
Enough screwing around with this, says the Higher Consciousness. Time to write, and REALLY share this Remembrance!
I had to look long and deeply at myself, and also simultaneously zoom out to the larger picture at the entire pattern. In doing that, I realized that this is ALMOST EXACTLY what happened when my guidance kept pushing me to close down my former business and do this work – my higher calling – in 2010. How could I have been so blind to it? I’m one of the most adept at seeing the messages, putting together the jigsaw puzzle! (Actually, I do already know that answer, and it’s a three-letter word: E-G-O.)
This is SO my heart; why would I deny this? Again, I had to look at whatever was left… because there really wasn’t much! And what was left was… this is the final layer; this is what’s completely inside. This is completely opening in full Truth, full vulnerability, full acceptance of me and my Remembrance. ALL of it! That’s the ONLY WAY for me to write this series of books that I’m to write, with a completely open, completely Divine heart. Put whatever excuse to it I want, this is IT.
Sounds simple, right?
So, last week I surrendered, after a number of fits and frustrations.
Whatever shifted caused me to look at this and say to myself, “WHY have I let this go so long? This is my heart…” And then I realized that the reason I did was BECAUSE this is my heart!
I’ve now blocked time to do it. Three days so far, one hour/day, 3,500 words. And, I have a LOT more time blocked to write this week… and moving forward.
I started four days ago.
I found my writing spot… at a lake near my home, quiet and a very, very nice vibration! For some reason, it all feels effortless there.
As I should have known, as soon as I started writing, I would receive such a show of support in multiple ways from the Universe and my Higher Self (in some very humorous ways, I might add).
The lake is about 2 miles around, and it’s rather cut off right now because there’s some extreme road construction going on right around it, so not a lot of car traffic goes in; I parked in the “far parking lot” (on the opposite side from the clubhouse/center), and made my way in. So, laptop in my backpack, off I went!
I found the PERFECT SPOT, in the shade of a bush at just the right angle at the waterside, with dragonflies dancing around me, about 1 mile from the parking lot.
It was SO EASY! (Again, more wondering on the way out as to why it had taken me so long to get to this point!)
On that morning, my intention was to go back to that same spot, because it was SO flowing and SO easy! As I came around the bend, there was a man in that EXACT SPOT (and I hadn’t seen anyone else until that point)… FISHING. Not only fishing, but JUST pulling up a fish as I walked up!
He was in scrubby clothing, sort of scrubby (as was I)… there was something different about him…and he looked me in the eyes, with a sparkle smiled and greeted me as I walked up. I returned the hello… however, in those first moments, I was pouting inside a little, with the thought, “REALLY? In the whole of 2 miles around the lake, this guy picked THIS EXACT SPOT from which to FISH?”
I kept going, trying to be a little bit irritated… but I felt this push to look at… something.
As I found another spot, just around the next bend, I was putting my little pillow on the ground to sit on when I GOT IT…
He was FISHING… and he’d CAUGHT A FISH. RIGHT in the spot from where I started my “official writing.”
One of the sayings I use ALL the time, repeatedly, with my students and clients is that my goal is to “teach one to fish instead of giving them the fish.” Full Divine self-empowerment! If I had a dollar for every time I’ve said it over the past five years… well, I could probably give the 1% a run for it!
SO FUNNY that this was the “support statement” from Higher Consciousness… and just on Day 2!
Part 1: When I first sat down, I did a meditation at the water’s edge, in the same place I sat yesterday. The Oneness was effortless; I could feel everything! After awhile, I noticed there was some odd thrumming sound that was unfamiliar to me – not to the left or right (or across the lake), but right in my vicinity. I opened my eyes, and there was a hummingbird, hovering over the water, about 2 feet in front of me and slightly to my left! It was really interested in me! We looked at each other for what seemed like 30 seconds… maybe less… but it was long enough that it was pointed that I notice the oddity of this… and then it flew away, soon to circle around and come back to the jewelweed in bloom around 6 feet from me.
There are SO MANY things about the symbolism of the hummingbird… something that occurred to me about it when we were looking eye to eye is this: Regardless of the flapping of its wings at such a tremendous speed, its head stays pretty centered and still while in flight. Pretty amazing. Staying the center of the storm – its OWN storm! There was far more…
Part 2: After I’d been writing, I packed everything back up in my backpack and was walking one way to leave, when a man who had passed by doubled back from the other direction and called to me. He asked me if I was an author; I smiled and said yes, I was writing a book. He pressed more and I realized he thought I was a published author he’d met in our area; he gave me her name (he said a book she wrote was At the Water’s Edge, which I thought was funny, given that I’d been sitting at the water’s edge when he’d first walked by). We talked for a few minutes, and he said, “I wish you much success and many blessings with the completion of your book…” I thanked him and turned to walk away, laughing to myself… with SO MUCH gratitude for the support… because really, I couldn’t make THAT up any better in my reality!
AND… things have started flowing again in multiple areas, just three short days of DOING this!
Now, I’m motivated. The writing itself is like a deep release that I didn’t realize I needed… it feels easy and freeing! And again, I ask myself… why was it that I put this off for so long? Could part of it be that I didn’t until now believe that something so profound and vulnerable and core to me could feel so good?
I recognize that it’ll come up to shift any grain of sand that’s left along the way that would allow the ego to block me; that’s why I feel like just three short days in, I’m receiving so much support from the aethers. However… the momentum’s started… and that’s all I really need; I’m READY!